


Knockin' On Heaven's Door

by TheIceQueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Broken Sam Winchester, Character Death, Crying, Crying Dean Winchester, Crying Gabriel (Supernatural), Crying Sam Winchester, Dark, Death, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Holding Hands, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Post-Coital, Protective Sam Winchester, Protectiveness, Sad, Supernatural Kink Bingo 2019
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 05:25:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: Chapter one: The Last TimeTwo days earlier, Gabriel was shot with a bullet covered with a poison that can kill angels. Sam was confident that he'd gotten every piece of the shattered bullet out and Gabriel had gotten better fast. He was okay. That's until he wasn't.





	Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one: The Last Time, is written for:  
> SPN Kink Bingo: Major Character Death  
> SPN Dark Bingo: Free Space

”I don’t think Cas heard us. Dean is definitely still sleeping.”

Sam was still drying his hair with a towel when he followed Gabriel into their room.

“I’m convinced Cas heard us. Maybe even your brother too.”

“Hey, I had every intention of just having a shower. _You_ started round two.”

Sam was still buttoning his shirt when Gabriel pulled his t-shirt on and placed a soft kiss on Sam’s lips. Sam took his time putting on pants, watching Gabriel throwing himself on the bed with a loud sigh.

“Do you need to rest before breakfast? You seemed tired.” Gabriel was never tired. If they both have been angels they would probably never stop after round two. But Gabriel was still healing after the poisoning.

“So you felt it?”

Sam stopped trying to sort out his hair. “Felt what?”

Gabriel sat up on the bed and took a deep breath before looking up at Sam.

“I’m getting weaker. Fast.”

Weaker? Sam had dug the poisoned bullet out two days ago and Gabriel had seemed fine. Slowly the hunter sat on the edge of the mattress resting a hand on the angel’s knee.

“But you were okay. I got it out.”

Gabriel shook his head slowly and held Sam’s shoulder tight. “It was shattered. Maybe there is still a piece left, or maybe the poison had already spread.”

The surgery had been horrible to do and torture on Gabriel and the last thing Sam wanted was to do it all over again, but he was already tensing up and getting ready to get Cas and Dean to help.

“So what do we do? Can you feel it? Do you know where I have to look?

Gabriel’s hand dropped and he wrapped both of his around Sam’s.

“I’m tired. I barely managed to walk back here after the shower. You must have noticed.”

Thinking back, Sam might have seen Gabriel being a bit unsteady but even though he was an angel, that couldn’t be that bad. Gabriel’s eyes were glazed over and Sam’s lungs contracted, but he hadn’t time to worry about breathing anyway.

“Sam…”

“No, Gabe! We have to find something.” He got up and walked to the end of the bed before he noticed that he couldn’t see for tears forcing their way up. He didn’t know why, for he was convinced that there would be a cure and that he could find it. So why was so dizzy he had to lean against the dresser?

“Sam. Baby, please.” Even with the slight shake to Gabriel’s voice, he sounded unusually calm. “Come lie with me… Please.”

Just like that, Sam wasn’t dizzy and he saw Gabriel perfectly clear lying down on the bed again.

“You only started getting worse now.” Sam kneeled down on his side of the mattress, looking down at Gabriel. Suddenly he could see how pale the angel was. “We still have time to fix this.”

Gabriel calmly took Sam’s hand and kissed it, before he looked up at him with a smile.

“I felt the poison start working that same night. It’s working faster now and that… morning activity, wore me out good.”

“Why didn’t you say something? We could have… we…”

Gabriel pulled Sam’s arm to try and make him lie down, but Sam held back and shook his head.

“Baby. I didn’t want you to hurt the last days we had together. You couldn’t do anything anyway. No one could.”

Only Gabriel’s glassy eyes shined through the water in Sam’s. He tried desperately to convince himself that his boyfriend was wrong and that there would be a solution. The hope slowly diapered when Gabriel’s smile was interrupted by his shivering chin and he bit his lip. Sam leaned in and kissed him light and slowly and when he let go Gabriel didn’t let him sit back up. Sam rested his head on Gabriel’s shoulder and felt a strangely weak arm wrap itself around his back.

“Gabe. How lo…” Sam couldn’t say it. Just thinking it made the first tear fall.

“I don’t know. Not long.”

“We should have been more careful. We shouldn’t have had sex.”

Gabriel lifted Sam’s face up to meet his own. “We really should. It wouldn’t have made a difference, maybe only an hour.”

Sam sniffled and unsuccessfully tried taking a few breaths that didn’t shake.

“I need that hour.”

Gabriel shook his head and kissed Sam’s forehead when he let the hunter rest on his shoulder again.

“No. Sweet boy. You needed all the things I said in there. Every word I screamed and whispered.”

A sob escaped Sam’s throat and he wrapped his arm over Gabriel’s chest. The following minutes, Gabriel’s fingers played in Sam’s hair and Sam’s tears ran silently in a steady pace. This wasn’t right. They had fixed him. He was alright and then he wasn’t. Just like that. And now… what now? Gabriel had just gotten a life where he could relax and didn’t need to be anyone but himself. He didn’t need to run anymore. Gabriel couldn’t just die.

Sam suddenly pushed himself up to look down at Gabriel’s face.

“Angel?!”

Gabriel, brushed his hand over Sam’s upper arm. “What, Baby?”

“You’re an angel! You’re not going to heaven. We will never…”

The single tear rolling down towards Gabriel’s hairline, confirmed Sam’s fear before Gabriel shook his head. Sam’s sight disappeared and he didn’t feel anything before he was lying down with Gabriel’s head tugged close to his chest and had his arms wrapped around the angel’s slowly heaving back.

Gabriel tugged himself closer and laid his arm on Sam’s side rubbing his thumb on the shaking shoulder.

“It’s okay, Sam. You’ll be okay.”

Sam’s felt tears wetting the pillow but he didn’t see anything but his own hands on Gabriel’s back.

“It’s not. Angel, how is this okay? I didn’t save you.” Sam’s voice cracked and he breathed in quick to not start sobbing uncontrollably.

“No one could have.” The hand between them grabbed on to Sam’s shirt on his chest.

“Promise me. Sam…” Gabriel took a long almost deep breath. He was losing strength. His hand was already loosing grip on the shirt. “Promise me that you will let Dean help you. Don’t close off.”

“Not now Gabe.” Sam couldn’t think of the time after. He couldn’t bare thinking of the minute they were in right now. Even when he tried thinking about what they’d had up until now, it hurt.

“Sam. Babe, please.” Gabriel pushed his head back and looked up at Sam. He seemed more concerned with Sam than anything else. “You have people who love you. Remember that… Promise.”

Sam bit his lip and nodded and saw the tears start to roll freely from Gabriel’s eyes. He hunched his back and neck to reach the fatigued angel’s soft lips. Sam tried desperately to hold on to the connection but Gabriel didn’t follow for long, and Sam couldn’t bare the feeling of the too cold lips. Gabriel was still crying when they broke off and Sam tugged him tight to his chest again and rested his chin on the top of the angel’s head.

“Shh, Gabe. I got you.”

Bit by bit, Gabriel’s head got heavier and Sam buried his fingers in his hair making sure he stayed close.

“Sam…”

“I promise. Gabe, I will be okay.”

The long, suddenly steady, breath Gabriel took made Sam listen closely, not sure his lover had enough strength to speak. “I love you, Baby boy.”

Sam swallowed and closed his eyes pressing out more tears. “I love you too. I always will.”

The thumb rubbing Sam’s shoulder stopped and Gabriel’s breathing got almost unnoticeably, even held so close. Sam held him closer and desperately held on to the fact that he could still feel Gabriel’s heartbeat.

“It’s okay, Angel… Shh shh, I’ve got you.”

The heartbeat wasn’t strong enough to feel and Sam held on even tighter, hoping that it wasn’t over. That Gabriel wasn’t gone. The hand on Sam’s shoulder felt down, limp behind Sam’s back, and Sam’s heart stopped.

Sam’s eyes were open, but he didn’t see anything, not even his own hand rubbing Gabriel’s back. He kissed the top of Gabriel’s head lightly.

“Shh. Angel. I’ve got you.”

* * *

Dean had heard Sam and Gabriel, both in their room and in the showers this morning, so he had been hesitant to go get them, but they had to get going now.

“Sam? Gabe?” He knocked on the door. “C’mon we have a case remember?”

With no answer, Dean took a deep breath and tried not to be annoyed, but angels didn’t sleep so at least one of them must have heard.

He couldn’t help but knock a little harder the second time.

“Hey! You woke _me_. Now let’s go!”

Dean was definitely getting passed annoyed now. Normally, he would get a snappy answer from Sam or an unsubtle overshare from Gabriel. This silence was pissing him off.

“You better not be naked. I’m coming in!” He hammered the door twice with his fist and swung the door open.

The gray dusty wings, painted on the walls of Sam and Gabriel’s bedroom, took all fight out of Dean. His little brother was lying motionless on the bed with his arms wrapped tight around the lifeless angel tugged into his chest.

“Sam?”

Dean stepped into the room, but Sam didn’t move or answer. He’d seen Gabriel struggle, but he’d just thought that the poison had slowed down the healing. He hadn’t considered this. Gabriel… just like that.

Quickly, he turned to the hall. “Cas! Get in here!”

Dean was sitting behind Sam’s back holding his shoulder before his boyfriend showed up in the door. The two of them shared a gaze before the truth sunk in with Cas too.

“Sammy.” Dean grabbed Sam’s shoulder tight and pulled it back, but Sam only hugged Gabriel’s unresponsive body tighter, pressing his face into the angel’s hair.

Cas was standing over Gabriel, his jaw locked, and Dean had the feeling that he avoided eye-contact on purpose. He hunched down and took Sam’s wrists, moving his hands from Gabriel’s head and back.

Dean pulled Sam’s shoulder but he silently fought every movement.

“Sammy, let go. C’mon.”

Eventually, Sam started to give in to Dean’s strength. Little by little, he sat up and without looking at anything he leaned into Dean’s arms. Dean held his brother tight, waiting for him to cry or maybe scream, but nothing happened.

Cas rolled Gabriel to his back and the movement in the bed made Sam tense and try to turn back.

“Don’t Sam. He’s gone.”

Sam leaned his chin heavy on Dean’s shoulder, letting the rest of his body go limp.

Dean’s eyes found Cas’s and it was clear that they both agreed on the next step. They had to end this moment and they couldn’t move Sam. Dean held on tighter around Sam before speaking slow and calm.

“Listen. We have to let Cas take him.”

The unstable breath and small shake of Sam’s head was his only reaction.

“I know, Sammy. It’s Cas. He’ll be careful, you know that.”

It was almost not possible for Dean to feel the small nod Sam gave, but the small gulps for air was clear enough.

“Shh. Sammy. I’ve got you.”

Dean did his best to concentrate on Sam, but he knew that Cas was about to carry his own brother’s body out of the room. Dean wanted to help him too, but he could only try to look like he knew how hard it was, as he nodded at him to go on.

The shift of weight in the mattress when Cas lifted the Gabriel, resulted in an almost panicked inhale from Sam and he wrapped his arms around Dean’s back.

“Sammy…” Dean steadied his brother so they wouldn’t fall off the bed. “Sam. It’s all right.”

This wasn’t fair. Sam had used most of his life to figure out who he was and what his purpose was. With Gabriel, he had finally found it.

“I… Dean…” Sam gulped for air and moved his cramped hands higher on Dean’s back. “I thought I’d saved him.”

 “I know. We all did.” Dean’s vision got hazy and when Sam’s first sob broke through, Dean’s tears fell. “Shh. You’ll be okay.”

Sam and he had gotten through so much, but how was he going to pull Sam back from this? He buried his hand in Sam’s hair and held him up so he would stay like that even when Sam would tire.

“Shh, shh, Sammy. I’ve got you.”


End file.
